My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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