She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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