Can i not drive my cunt home
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
