Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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