My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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