i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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