the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
