I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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