theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
