you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
