I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
