He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
