My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
