Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
