All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
