i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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