I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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