i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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