Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
