he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
