dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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