When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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