I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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