Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
