Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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