Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
