Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
