I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
