We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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