Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
