What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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