I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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