perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
