Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
