I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
