oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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