I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She needs sedatives and a leash
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
