Porn is love you can see.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Let the clothes fall where they may.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
