yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just want nice things and good sex
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
