You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
