Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
