Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
just tell him i said nine months
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
