Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
