he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
