He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dicks are not precious.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
