census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
