Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
