she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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