Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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