I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I think I just sharted jello shots
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
