Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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