i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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