'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
