So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
