I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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