can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
